More Than You Know
by nacimynom
Summary: What if in "The Long Goodbye" episode things had gone a little differently after Teyla captures John? How is Teyla affected when Thelan drops an emotional bomb by saying, "He cares for you more than you know"? Is there hope for John and Teyla?


**Written for the:** Beya Valentine Challenge Hearts That Beat as One**  
>Warnings: <strong>Some spoilers for "The Long Goodbye" season 2 episode**  
><strong>**Disclaimer:** SGA world is not mine. I wrote this story for fun, not profit.  
><strong>Notes:<strong> This story explores the John and Teyla interaction in a slightly AU version of "The Long Goodbye" season 2 episode. Dialog in italics is from the episode transcript posted at GateWorld.

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><p>After Caldwell had ordered Teyla to capture John instead of Weir, she had caught him by surprise and stunned him. Mentally apologizing to him, she had carefully patted him down to disarm him. She had to do a very thorough search because the weapons he had stolen were not tucked away in John's usual hiding spots. It felt strange and a bit obscene handling his slack limbs in such an intimate way. She hadn't touched him in such a personal manner since the day he had been attacked by an iratus bug.<p>

She saw the bloodied bandage on his left bicep and wondered who had shot him. It had to be Phebus, she thought, because all the Atlantis search teams had been ordered to use Wraith stunners so as not to harm John and Elizabeth's bodies when they captured them. John had been lucky to only suffer a graze, Phebus did not sound like the type of warrior who would easily miss a shot.

The bleeding looked under control but afraid that pulling his arms behind his back would reopen the wound, she tied his hands in front of him. She felt guilty for having to tighten the plastic tethers to the point where they gauged deeply into his wrists. At least his ankles were protected by his clothing. She could not take any chances that he would escape. Phebus had already managed to hurt Ronon.

She hadn't realized that John's current state of captivity was for Phebus' benefit until Caldwell had told her to put him in front of the nearest security camera. Dragging him over and displaying him like hunting trophy had sickened her. Now, she was only partly listening to the communications between Colonel Caldwell, Rodney and Phebus (in doctor Weir's body), her attention fixated on John's supine form.

Phebus hadn't said what she wanted her to do, but Teyla had a very bad feeling. She wished she had been present when the two life pods were brought to Atlantis and opened. She would have talked John out of allowing an alien consciousness inhabit his body. She felt certain that she would not have so easily accepted the story that Phebus just wanted to be with her husband for one last chance to say goodbye before they both died. How could John have let Elizabeth talk him into this foolishness? Did he really have such romantic notions or had he done it to please Elizabeth, his friend and commanding officer? Sometimes, she really thought that her Earth allies were really too naïve to survive in her galaxy.

She noticed that John had started to move. "_He is regaining consciousness_," she said on the com.

"_Teyla—it's me_," said Thalen. The tone and drawling inflection perfectly matched John's natural cadence.

She squatted down and looked him in the eyes. He held her gaze without flinching. She searched but could not find the unmistakable spark that had caught her attention from the first time she had met John.

She aimed her stunner at him, "_Do not waste your breath trying to convince me you are John Sheppard. I do not believe you._"

Thalen sat up. "_Don't you see what they're doing? They're pitting us against each other. You know me!_" He obviously had perfect control of John's vocal cords. If his voice had been all she had to go on, she might have been fooled.

In growing dread, for the next couple of minutes she listened to Thalen and Phebus taunt each other with Elizabeth and John's voices. She wished she had failed to catch Thalen. She knew where this was heading and she did not want to deliver John to Phebus for her to kill him. This all seemed so pointless, these two beings were going to die in less than a day and release their host bodies (that had not been a lie). What could it possibly matter who killed the other before nature took its course?

"_I guess I'm satisfied with this. Teyla?_" said Phebus on the radio, calling for her attention.

Teyla fixed a serene expression on her face before looking up at the camera. Her stunner still leveled at John.

"_Yes?_" she said.

"_Kill him_."

Those words shocked her, even though she should have expected them.

John said, "_Don't listen to her_."

"_Kill him now, or I vent halon fire suppressant into all the living spaces in Atlantis_." Phebus' voice had become venomous, totally unlike Elizabeth's.

"_Colonel—can she do this?_" She hoped for a loophole out of this impossible choice.

"_I believe so_," Caldwell said.

"_How many people are at risk?_" She couldn't believe that she was actually considering the pros and cons of doing this, of murdering John. But what choice did she have?

"_Three-quarters of the expedition_."

She controlled the anger and despair bubbling up her stomach. She tried to understand why Phebus would want to do this because there had to be a convincing argument she could make against it. So, she asked a few reasonable questions. All the ancient woman's answers were about her uncontrolled hatred for this man and his people. The madness that had led Phebus and Thalen's worlds to fight each other to their mutual doom had destroyed any remnants of reason and compassion in her. Phebus knew she would die and she wanted to kill Thalen before he also died. Her sole purpose was to claim victory for her long exterminated people. She absolutely did not care how many innocent lives she would waste to achieve her goal.

Teyla looked at Thalen, desperately trying to think of a way to save John—the man she cared for more than anyone else in Atlantis.

"_If you kill me, you're killing him. He cares for you more than you know_." Thalen's words cut like a knife into her heart. She could tell that he wasn't lying. What he said only confirmed what she had suspected for some time. There had been that passionate kiss after his iratus bug conversion—the kiss they had both agreed to ignore. Many other times in the past, John had said or done things that had made her wonder about his true feelings for her, at least until his next few words would convince her that he thought of her only as a friend and colleague.

"_Please do not make me do this_," she said.

She had run out of reasoned arguments. All she had left was a plea for mercy, which would inevitably fall to deaf ears, but might stall things enough for Rodney to do something to save the day. She imagined him frantically plucking away at his computer to block Phebus' access to the Atlantis ventilation systems. Unfortunately, Rodney's uncharacteristic silence seemed to bode very badly for the chances of his success.

"_You don't have to_," Thalen said.

While it sounded exactly as if John had said it, Teyla knew that he would have never said it in these circumstances. He would have just looked her in the eye and told her to do it and not feel guilty about it, because this was the only choice she could make. If she had been in his place, she would have agreed that giving up her life was worth the price of saving many in the expedition. But being the person asked to pull the trigger made a huge difference.

She tucked the stunner into the vest and unhooked the P90 from its clip. The weapon felt cold against her sweaty hands.

"If you don't kill him, I will_ release the gas and just hope it reaches the both of you_," said Phebus.

"_She has the capability of doing what she claims. Teyla … I'm not gonna tell you what to do_," Caldwell said.

She didn't need him to say it, she had no choice and it was solely her choice. Teyla lifted the P90 to her shoulder and aimed it. At this short distance, the tac vest would offer no protection.

"_Sheppard doesn't believe you'll do it_," Thalen said—another lie. She did not bother correcting him.

"_Forgive me, John,_." she started to press the trigger. She wanted to say something else, but she couldn't find the words. She didn't know how she was going to live with herself for the rest of her life.

"_Teyla, this is Caldwell. Do not fire! I repeat, do not fire!_"

Caldwell's shouts came too late. A single shot went off before she could release the trigger. John toppled to the side without making a sound.

She dropped the P90 and slid on her knees next to him. She gently laid him on his back, away from the blood that had already started to pool underneath him. Part of the tac vest had been ripped apart by the bullet, blood oozed out from a wound to the chest. Frantic, she felt his neck and found a fast and barely perceptible pulse. Somehow, the shot had not hit his heart.

"Send a medical team. He's alive but losing a lot of blood." She pulled field bandages out of her vest pockets and pressed them on top of the wound.

"A medical team and backup are coming, Teyla. But Phebus must be heading your way." Caldwell said.

"Understood," she said. She kept one hand on the bandages, while with the other she took the stunner from her vest.

John moaned and opened his eyes. "Teyla …r …'kay?" she barely heard him.

"I am fine. Conserve your strength John," she said, not caring if she was talking to John or Thalen.

She could see the color visibly drain away from his skin. His skin felt cold and clammy. Under her bloody hands she felt him fighting for each shallow gasp of air.

"John, look at me and breathe," she said when his eyes fluttered closed. She repeated herself more loudly until he opened them again.

A faint sound alerted her to Phebus' approach, "Teyla, move away from him or I will shoot you."

"He's dying," she said remaining in her crouch, her back to Phebus. "Can't you hear his wheezing breaths?"

Phebus moved closer. "Yes, that is a lovely sound. Step away now, I want to see him go."

Teyla kept the stunner out of sight as she slowly rose. Halfway up, she turned and hit Phebus with a single well-placed blast. She convulsed and fell to the ground. Making sure that she could keep an eye on Elizabeth's body, Teyla knelt at John's side and placed her hands back on the wound. She hadn't lost him yet, but he needed help now.

"Carson is coming," she said. "Please stay with me John. When you are better, I want to talk to you about what Thalen said because … because I also care about you more than you know."


End file.
